EnigmA Amiga Run 1995 October/EnigmA AMIGA RUN 01 (1995)(G.R. Edizioni)(IT)[!][issue 1995-10][Aminet 7].iso/Aminet/text/misc/GeekV47_11.lha/geek.txt

Text File | 1995-04-02 | 40KB | 1,387 lines

The Code of the Geeks v2.1

July 18, 1994

The Geek Code is copyright 1993,1994 by Robert A. Hayden
<[e-mail]>. All rights reserved. You are free to
distribute this code in electronic format provided that the file remains
unmodified and this copyright notice remains attached.


So you think you are a geek, eh? The first step is to admit to yourself your
geekiness. No matter what anyone says, geeks are people too; geeks have
rights. So take a deep breath and announce to the world that you are a geek.
Your courage will give you strength that will last you forever.

How to tell the world you are a geek, you ask? Use the universal Geek code.
By joining the geek organization, you have license to use this special code
that will allow you to let other un-closeted geeks know who you are in a
simple, codified statement.

The single best way to announce your geekhood is to add your geek code to
signature file and announce it far and wide. But be careful, you may give
other geeks the courage to come out of the closet. You might want to hang on
to your copy of the code in order to help them along.

Background

The first version of the Geek Code was 0.1 and consisted of only about five
categories. 0.2 was mostly a spelling and bug fix. 0.3 added a couple more
categories.

1.0 was released about 4 months after 0.3 on July 17, 1993 and added several
more categories as well as the rules for cross-overs and variables. 1.0.1 was
a bug-fix released later that day.

Over the course of the next year or so, I received some 75 or so various
suggestions for improvements and changes in the Geek Code. Due to time, I
wasn't able to sit down and collect and sort all of the suggestions and put
everything together. Finally, in early July, 1994, I found the time and
decided that I would release version 2.0 on July 17, 1994, one year after
version 1.0. Version 2.0 represents the recommendations of many dozens of
people too numerous to mention here.

This is version 2.1 and represents the fixing of several serious bugs that
slipped through while I was in a hurry to get 2.0 out the door.

I hope you like the Geek Code and find it an entertaining and useful file.



Instructions

The geek code consists of several categories. Each category is labeled with a
letter and some qualifiers. Go through each category and determine which set
of qualifiers best describes you in that category. By stringing all of these
'codes' together, you are able to construct your overall geek code. It is
this single line of code that will inform other geeks the world over of what
a great geek you actually are.

Some of the qualifiers will very probably not match with you exactly. Simply
choose that qualifier that MOST CLOSELY matches you. Also, some activities
described in a specific qualifier you may not engage in, while you do engage
in others. Each description of each qualifier describes the wide range of
activities that apply, so as long as you match with one, you can probably use
that qualifier.

Also, pay particular attention to case-sensitivity, there can be a big
difference between a 'u' and a 'U'.



Variables

Geeks can seldom be quantified. To facilitate the fact that within any one
category the geek may not be able determine a specific rating, variables have
been designed to allow this range to be included.

@
for variable, said trait is not very rigid, may change with time or with
individual interaction. For example, Geeks who happen to very much enjoy Star
Trek: The Next Generation, but dislike the old 60's series might list
themselves as t++@.

()
for indicating "cross-overs" or ranges. Geeks who go from C+ to C---
depending on the situation (i.e. mostly "C+") could use C+(---). Another
example might be an m++(**). This would be a person who mostly listens to
classical music, but also has an extensive collection of other types of
works.

>
for 'wannabe' ratings. Indicating that while the geek is currently at one
rating, they are striving to reach another. For example, C->++

$
Indicates that this particular category is done for a living. For example,
UL+++$ indicates that the person utilizes unix and gets paid for it. Quite a
lucky geek, for sure.

@ is different from () in that () has finite limits within the category,
while @ ranges all over.



Type

Geeks come in many flavors. The flavors relate to the vocation of the
particular geek. To start a code, a geek must declare himself or herself to
be a geek. To do this, we start the code with a "G" to denote "GEEK",
followed by one or two letters to denote the geeks occupation or field of
study. Multi-talented geeks with more than one vocational training should
denote their myriad of talents with a slash between each vocation (example:
GCS/MU/T).

GB
     Geek of Business
GC
     Geek of Classics
GCA
     Geek of Commercial Arts
GCM
     Geek of Computer Management
GCS
     Geek of Computer Science
GE
     Geek of Engineering
GED
     Geek of Education
GFA
     Geek of Fine Arts
GG
     Geek of Government
GH
     Geek of Humanities
GJ
     Geek of Jurisprudence (Law)
GL
     Geek of Literature
GM
     Geek of Math
GMD
     Geek of Medicine
GMU
     Geek of Music
GP
     Geek of Philosophy
GPM
     Geek of Pre-Med
GS
     Geek of Science (Physics, Chemistry, Biology, etc.)
GSS
     Geek of Social Science (Psychology, Sociology, etc.)
GT
     Geek of Theater
GTW
     Geek of Technical Writing
GO
     Geek of Other. Some types of geeks deviate from the normal geek
activities.
     This is encouraged as true geeks come from all walks of life. GU
     Geek of 'Undecided'. This is a popular vocation with incoming freshmen.
GAT
     Geek of All Trades. For those geeks that can do anything and everything.
     GAT usually precludes the use of other vocational descriptors. G
     Geek of No Qualifications



Section I: Appearance

Dress

Geeks come in many different types of dress.

d++
     I tend to wear conservative dress such as a business suit.
d+
     I tend to wear trendy political messages like "Save the Whales" or
     "Free South Africa".
d
     I dress a lot like those found in catalog ads. Bland, boring, without
life
     or meaning.
d-
     I tend to wear trendy political messages like "Nuke the Humans",
     "Question Authority", or "Big Brother's Watching".
d--
     I wear jeans to work just to piss off my boss
d---
     At work, I have holes in my jeans and/or obscenities on my shirt.
d----
     Punk dresser
dx
     Cross Dresser
d?
     I have no idea what I am wearing right now, let alone what I wore
     yesterday.
!d
     No clothing. Quite a fashion statement, don't you think?
-d+
     I wear the same clothes all the time, no matter the occasion, often
     forgetting to do laundry between wearings.



Hair

Just as geeks have a stylish dress appearance, a geek's hair can also be an
important statement. Add an 'H' rating to tell about your hair.

H+++
     My hair goes down past my waist
H++
     My hair dangles to my mid-back
H+
     It's down to about my shoulders
H
     It's just pretty normal hair
H-
     It's cut above the neck
H--
     Above the neck AND ear (flattop)
H---
     It's about 1/8" long.
H----
     I shave my head daily, otherwise it gets too long
!H
     I'm bald
H?
     I have wigs that allow me to vary my hair
H*
     My hair is dyed funky flavors (add the '*' to one of the above)



Shape

Geeks come in many shapes and sizes. Shape code is divided into two parts.
The first indicates height, while the second indicates roundness. Mix each
section to fit yourself. Examples include: s:++, s++:, s++:--.

s+++:+++
     I usually have to duck through doors/I take up three movie seats.
s++:++
     I'm a basketball/linebacker candidate.
s+:+
     I'm a little taller/rounder than most.
s
     I'm an average geek
s-:-
     I look up to most people. Everyone tells me to gain a few pounds. s--:--
     I look up to damn near everybody. I tend to have to fight against a
strong
     breeze.
s---:---
     I take a phone book with me when I go out so I can see to eat dinner. My
     bones are poking through my skin.



Glasses

Geeks have traditionally worn glasses.

g+++
     I have coke-bottle classes that I can use to start leaves on fire in the
     hot sun.
g++
     I've got four eyes and tape in the middle.
g+
     I've got four eyes, what's your point?
g-
     I have contacts
g--
     I have colored contacts
g---
     I have those funky contact that have interesting designs on them such as
     happy faces or some such.
!g
     I have no glasses.
g?
     I can't find my glasses.



Pens

Geeks have lots of pens (and pen-like things) in their shirt pockets. Look
down at your shirt pocket and count them.
Add a p(number) into your code, where p stands for pen-count.

p#
     Average number of pens or pencils in a geek's pocket at any given moment
in
     time.
p?
     I can't find a writing instrument
!p
     pens are obsolete. I have a newton.

If there is also a calculator (or slide rule) often attached to your belt or
in your pocket or you carry a portable computer around with you, add a plus
sign, i.e. p4+.


Automobile

There is an old saying that one's wheels define a person. Tell the world
about yours.

au++++
     I have my chauffeured limo take me everywhere.
au+++
     I own four different colored Mercedes.
au++
     I drive a brand new car that cost more than most houses
au+
     I have a sporty-looking car which would be a babe-mobile if I wasn't
     such a geek.
au
     I drive a car which I bought from my parents. It has four doors even
     though I'm the only one who ever rides in it.
au-
     I drive my parents' car. hey, if I could afford my own I wouldn't be
     living at home with them (see section on housing).
au--
     My car has rust everywhere and the muffler drags along the ground.
au---
     I drive a '77 Pinto which went over 100,000 miles two years ago.
au----
     I have a Yugo
!au
     I don't have a car
au*
     I have a motorcycle



Age

The only way to become a true geek is through practice and experience. To
this end, your age becomes an important part of your geekiness. Use the
qualifiers below to show your age (in Terran years).

a+++
     60 and up
a++
     50-59
a+
     40-49
a
     30-39
a-
     20-29
a--
     10-19
a---
     9 and under
a?
     ageless
!a
     it's none of your business how old I am

In addition, if you wish to give your exact age, you can place the number
after the 'a' identifier. For example: a42



Weirdness

Geeks have a seemingly natural knack for being "weird". Of course, this is a
subjective term as one person's weirdness is another person's normalness. As
a general rule, the following weird qualifiers allow a geek to rate their
weirdness.

w+++
     Mainstream? I heard of that once, I think.
w++
     I am so weird, I make Al Yankovic look sane.
w+
     so? what's your problem with weird.
w
     I am not weird. I'm perfectly normal.
w-
     I'm more normal that most people normally are.
w--
     I am so incredibly boring...



Verbage

A geeks mastery of the spoken language is an important attribute. Tell us
about it.

v---
     I don't talk. I just type.
v--
     When I talk, people usually look mildly embarrassed.
v-
     I use words like 'grok' in everyday conversation.
v
     At least I speak in complete sentences. Usually.
v+
     People compliment me on my vocabulary.
v++
     People compliment me on my eloquence.
v+++
     I was the regional forensics champ.
!v
     Speech is irrelevant, I use telepathy
v?
     I mumble
v*
     I babble



Section II: Computers

Computers

Most geeks identify themselves by their use of computers and computer
networks. In order to quantify your geekiness level on computers, consult the
following (consider the term 'computers' synonymous with 'computer network'):

C++++
     I'll be first in line to get the new cybernetic interface installed into
my
     skull.
C+++
     You mean there is life outside of Internet? You're shittin' me! I live
for
     muds. I haven't dragged myself to class in weeks.
C++
     Computers are a large part of my existence. When I get up in the
morning,
     the first thing I do is log myself in. I mud on weekends, but still
     manage to stay off of academic probation.
C+
     Computers are fun and I enjoy using them. I play a mean game of DOOM!
and
     can use a word processor without resorting to the manual too often. I
know
     that a 3.5" disk is not a hard disk. I also know that when it says
'press
     any key to continue', I don't have to look for a key labeled 'ANY'. C
     Computers are a tool, nothing more. I use it when it serves my purpose.
C-
     Anything more complicated than my calculator and I'm screwed. C--
     Where's the on switch?
C---
     If you even mention computers, I will rip your head off!



Unix

It seems that a Unix-based operating system is the OS of choice among most
geeks. In addition to telling us about your unix abilities, you can also show
which specific unix OS you are using. To accomplish this, you include a
letter showing the brand with your rating. For example: UL++++ would indicate
a sysadmin running Linux.

B
     BSD (use this unless your BSDish system is mentioned below)
L
     Linux
U
     Ultrix
A
     AIX
V
     SysV
H
     HPUX
I
     IRIX
O
     OSF/1
S
     Sun OS/Solaris
C
     SCO Unix
X
     NeXT
?
     Some other one not listed
U++++
     I am the sysadmin. If you try and crack my machine don't be surprised if
     the municipal works department gets an "accidental" computer-generated
     order to put start a new landfill on your front lawn.
U+++
     I don't need to crack /etc/passwd because I just modified su so that it
     doesn't prompt me. The admin staff doesn't even know I'm here. If you
don't
     understand what I just said, this category does NOT apply to you! U++
     I've get the entire admin ticked off at me because I am always using all
of
     the CPU time and trying to run programs that I don't have access to. I'm
     going to try cracking /etc/passwd next week, just don't tell anyone. U+
     I not only have a unix account, but I slam VMS any chance I get. U
     I have a unix account to do my stuff in.
U-
     I have a VMS account.
U--
     I've seen unix and didn't like it. DEC rules!
U---
     Unix geeks are actually nerds in disguise.



Perl

If you enjoy at least U++ status you have to know about Perl, so you might as
well rate yourself in this sub-category.
Non-unix geeks don't know what they're missing.

P++++
     I don't write Perl, I speak it. Perl has superseded all other
programming
     languages. I firmly believe that all programs can be reduced to a Perl
     one-liner. I use Perl to achieve U+++ status.
P+++
     Perl is a very powerful programming tool. Not only do I no longer write
     shell scripts, I also no longer use awk or sed. I use Perl for all
programs
     of less than a thousand lines.
P++
     Perl is a powerful programming tool. I don't write shell scripts anymore
     because I write them in Perl.
P+
     I know of perl. I like perl. I just haven't learned much perl, but it is
on
     my agenda.
P-
     What's Perl got that awk and sed don't have?
P--
     Perl users are sick, twisted programmers who are just showing off. P---
     Perl combines the power of sh, the clarity of sed, and the performance
of
     awk with the simplicity of C. It should be banned.
P?
     What's Pearl?
!P
     Our paranoid admin won't let us install perl! Says it's a "hacking
tool".



Linux

Linux is a hacker-written operating system virtually identical to unix. It
originally and continues to run on your standard 386/486/Pentium PC, but is
also being ported to other systems. Because it is still a young OS, and
because it is continually evolving from hacker changes and support, it is
important that the geek list his Linux ability.

L++++
     I am Linus, hear me roar.
L+++
     I am a Linux wizard. I munch C code for breakfast and have enough room
left
     over for a kernel debugging. I have so many patches installed that I
lost
     track about ten versions ago. Linux newbies consider me a net.god. L++
     I use Linux almost exclusively on my system. I monitor comp.os.linux.*
and
     even answer questions some times. I've aliased Linux FTP sites to make
     getting new software easier.
L+
     I've managed to get Linux installed and even used it a few times. It
seems
     like it is just another OS.
L
     I know what Linux is, but that's about all
L-
     I have no desire to use Linux and frankly don't give a rats patootie
about
     it.
L--
     Unix sucks. Because Linux = Unix. Linux Sucks. I worship Bill Gates.
L---
     I am Bill Gates.
!L
     I don't even know what Linux is!



386bsd

386bsd is another version of Unix written for 80x86 like systems. Often there
is a friendly (and periodically not-so-friendly) rivalry between the forces
of Linux and the forces of 386bsd. Identify your BSDish rating below.

3+++
     I am a 386bsd wizard. I munch C code for breakfast and have enough room
     left over for a kernel debugging. I have so many patches installed that
I
     lost track about ten versions ago. 386bsd newbies consider me a net.god.
3++
     I use 386bsd almost exclusively on my system. I monitor comp.os.386bsd.*
     and even answer questions some times. I've aliased BSD FTP sites to make
     getting new software easier.
3+
     I've managed to get 386bsd installed and even used it a few times. It
seems
     like it is just another OS.
3
     I know what it is, but that's about all
3-
     I have no desire to use 386bsd and frankly don't give a rats patootie
about
     it.
3--
     Unix sucks. Because 386bsd = Unix. 386bsd Sucks. I worship Bill Gates.
3---
     I am USL's lawyer.
!3
     I don't even know what 386bsd is!



Usenet News

Usenet, a global collection of flaming opinions and senseless babble, was
designed as a way to eat up precious spool space on a system's hard drive. It
also is a way for people to talk about things.

N++++
     I am Tim Pierce
N+++
     I read so many news groups that the next batch of news comes in before I
     finish reading the last batch, and I have to read for about 2 hours
     straight before I'm caught up on the morning's news. Then there's the
     afternoon...
N++
     I read all the news in a select handful of groups.
N+
     I read news recreationally when I have some time to kill.
N
     Usenet News? Sure, I read that once
N-
     News is a waste of my time and I avoid it completely
N--
     News sucks! 'Nuff said.
N*
     All I do is read news
!N
     We don't have news.



Emacs

GNU Emacs is the do-all be-everything editor availble for just about every
computer architecture out there.

E+++
     Emacs is my login shell!! M-x doctor is my psycologist! I use emacs to
     control my TV and toaster oven! All you vi people don't know what you're
     missing! I read alt.relgion.emacs, alt.sex.emacs, and comp.os.emacs. E++
     I know and use elisp regularly!
E+
     Emacs is great! I read my mail and news with it!
E
     Yeah, I know what emacs is, and use it as my regular editor. E-
     Emacs is too big and bloated for my tastes
E--
     Emacs is just a fancy word processor
E---
     Emacs sucks! vi forever!!!
E----
     Emacs sucks! pico forever!!!
E?
     Emacs? What's that?



Kibo

Kibo is. That is all that can be said.

K++++++
     I _am_ Kibo
K+++++
     I've had sex with Kibo
K++++
     I've met Kibo
K+++
     I've gotten mail from Kibo
K++
     I've read Kibo
K+
     I like Kibo
K
     I know who Kibo is
K-
     I don't know who Kibo is
K--
     I dislike Kibo
K---
     I am Xibo



MS-Windows

A good many geeks use the MicroSoft windows program running on DOS to operate
their PCs. Rate your Windows Geekiness.

W++++
     I have Windows, Windows NT, and Windows NT Advanced Server all running
on
     my SMP RISC machine. I haven't seen daylight in six months.
W+++
     I am a MS Windows programming god. I wrote a VxD driver to allow MS
Windows
     and DOS to share the use of my waffle iron. P.S. Unix sux.
W++
     I write MS Windows programs in C and think about using C++ someday. I've
     written at least one DLL.
W+
     I have installed my own custom sounds, wallpaper, and screen savers so
my
     PC walks and talks like a fun house. Oh yeah, I have a hundred
TrueType(tm)
     fonts that I've installed but never used.
W
     Ok, so I use MS Windows, I don't have to like it.
W-
     I'm still trying to install MS Windows and have at least one peripheral
     that never works right
W--
     MS Windows is a joke operating system. Hell, its not even an operating
     system. NT is Not Tough enough for me either.
W---
     Windows has set back the computing industry by at least 10 years. Bill
     Gates should be drawn, quarted, hung, shot, poisoned, disemboweled, and
     then REALLY hurt.
!W
     I don't do Windows. Got a problem with that?



Macintosh

Many geeks have abandoned the character-based computer and moved over to the
macintosh. It in important to give notification of your mac rating.

M++
     I am a mac guru. Anything those dos putzes and unix nerds can do, i can
do
     better, and if not, I'll write the damn software to do it.
M+
     A mac has it's uses and I use it quite often.
M
     I use a mac, but I'm pretty indifferent about it.
M-
     Macs suck. All real geeks have a character prompt.
M--
     Macs do more than suck. They make a user stupid by allowing them to use
the
     system without knowing what they are doing. Mac weenies have lower IQs
than
     the fuzz in my navel.
M?
     What's a macintosh?



VMS

Many geeks use the VMS operating system by DEC for all of their mainframe and
network activity.

V++
     Unix is a passing fad compared to the real power in the universe, my VMS
     system.
V+
     I tend to like VMS better than Unix
V
     I've used VMS.
V-
     Unix is much better than VMS for my computing needs.
V--
     I would rather smash my head repeatedly into a brick wall than suffer
the
     agony of working with VMS. It's reminiscent of a dead and decaying pile
of
     moose droppings. Unix rules the universe.
!V
     I've not ever used VMS.



Section III: Politics

Politics

Geeks come from widely variant political backgrounds.

po+++
     Fuckin' Minorities! Adolf Hitler is my hero! And so is Rush Limbaugh!
po++
     All in favor of eliminating free speech, say aye!
po+
     Let's get the government off of big-business's back
po
     Politics? I've heard of that somewhere but in all honesty I really don't
     give a shit.
po-
     Bring back the 60's
po--
     I'm still living in the 60's
po---
     No taxes through no government
-po+
     Don't label me you moron! Both sides are equally fucked up!



Cypherpunks

With the birth of the overused buzzword "The Information Superhighway",
concerns over privacy from evil governmental bad-guys{tm} has led to the
formation of of an unofficial, loosely organized band of civil libertarians
who spend much of their time discussing how to insure privacy in the
information future. This group is known by some as "cypherpunks" (to others,
as anarchistic subversives). To this end, tell us how punkish you are.

Y+++
     I am T.C. May
Y++
     I am on the cypherpunks mailing list and active around Usenet. I never
miss
     an opportunity to talk about the evils of Clipper and the NSA. Orwells'
     1984 is more than a story, it is a warning to ours' and future
generations.
     I'm a member of the EFF.
Y+
     I have an interest and concern in privacy issues, but in reality I am
not
     really all that active or vocal.
Y
     I'm pretty indifferent on the whole issue.
Y-
     It seems to me that all of these concerns are a little extreme. I mean,
the
     government must be able to protect itself from criminals.
Y--
     Get a life. The only people that need this kind of protection are people
     with something to hide. I think cypherpunks are just a little paranoid.
Y---
     I am L. Dietweiller.



Section IV: Entertainment

Star Trek

Most geeks have an undeniable love for the Star Trek television show (in any
of its four forms). Because GEEK is often synonymous with TREKKIE (real geeks
aren't so anal as to label themselves TREKKER), it is important that all
geeks list their Trek rating.

t+++
     It's not just a TV show, its a religion. I know all about warp field
     dynamics and the principles behind the transporter. I have memorized the
     TECH manual. I speak Klingon. I go to cons with Vulcan ears on. I have
no
     life.
t++
     It's the best show around. I have all the episodes and the movies on
tape
     and can quote entire scenes verbatim. I've built a few of the model kits
     too. But you'll never catch me at one of those conventions. Those people
     are kooks.
t+
     It's a damn fine TV show and is one of the only things good on
television
     any more.
t
     It's just another TV show
t-
     Maybe it is just me, but I have no idea what the big deal with Star Trek
     is. Perhaps I'm missing something but I just think it is bad drama. t--
     Star Trek is just another Space Opera. William Shatner isn't an actor,
he's
     a poser! And what's with this Jean-Luc Picard? A Frenchman with a
British
     accent? Come on. I'd only watch this show if my remote control broke.
t---
     Star Trek SUCKS! It is the worst crap I have ever seen! Hey, all you
     trekkies out there, GET A LIFE! (William Shatner is a t---)



Babylon 5

For many years, Sci-Fi geeks have wished for a television show that would
overcome the limitations of Star Trek. For many, a new show called Babylon 5
has met that demand, with a deep storyline, exciting characters and
state-of-the-art computer generated effects.

5+++
     I am a True Worshipper of the Church of Joe who lives eats breathes and
     thinks Babylon 5, and has Evil toughts about stealing Joe's videotape
     archives just to see episodes earlier. I am planning to break into the
bank
     and steal the triple-encoded synopsis of the 5-year arc.
5++
     Finally a show that shows what a real future would look like. None of
this
     Picardian "Let's talk about it and be friends" crap. And what's this? We
     finally get to see a bathroom! Over on that Enterprise, they've been
     holding it for over seven years.
5+
     Babylon 5 certainly presents a fresh perspective in the Sci-Fi universe.
I
     watch it weekly.
5
     I've seen it, I am pretty indifferent to it.
5-
     This show is sub-par. The acting is wooden, the special effects are
     obviously poor quality. In general, it seems like a very cheap Star Trek
     ripoff.
5--
     You call this Sci-Fi? That is such a load of crap! This show is just a
soap
     with bad actors, piss-poor effects, and lame storylines. Puh-leese. !5
     I've never seen Babylon 5



Jeopardy

Simply the geekiest television show in the world.

j+++
     I dress like Art Fleming, practice Alex Trebek's vocal nuances, and make
a
     pilgrimage to the Jeopardy studio every six months to either take the
     contestant test or to cheer from the audience.
j++
     I watch Jeopardy regularly, and annoy others in the college rec center
by
     shouting out the answers.
j+
     I watch Jeopardy regularly.
j
     Sure I watch it, but, hey, it's only a show.
j-
     Jeopardy? That's show's for a bunch of no-life eggheads.
j--
     I annoy others in the college rec center by shouting out the *wrong*
     answers.
!j
     I've never seen Jeopardy or don't watch it.
j#
     I've taken the Jeopardy test # number of times.
j$
     I've won money on the show.
jP
     I've gotten the d*mn Lee Press-On Nails on the show (or some other
lame-o
     consolation prize).
jx
     I don't watch Jeopardy because it's too easy



Role Playing

Role-playing games such as Dungeons & Dragons have long been a part of the
traditional geek life. Because geeks often become so involved in their
role-playing that they lose touch with reality, include one of the following
role-playing codes.

R+++
     I've written and publish my own gaming materials.
R++
     There is no life outside the role of the die. I know all of piddly rules
of
     (chosen game). _MY_ own warped rules scare the rest of the players. R+
     I've got my weekly sessions set up and a character that I know better
than
     I know myself.
R
     Role-Playing? That's just something to do to kill a Saturday afternoon
R-
     Gosh, what an utter waste of time!
R--
     Role-Players are instruments of pure evil.



MAGIC: The Gathering

Magic: The Gathering is taking over. If you haven't heard of it, it involves
collecting cards that summon creatures, cast spells, represent artifacts,
etc., for the purpose of reducing the opponent's life points from 20 to 0 in
the course of a game. Many of geeks have spent over $100 on these things,
some a lot more.

G++++
     I am considered a Magic(tm) god. I have nicknames for every card and
know
     just about every strategy there is.
G+++
     I have a Lord of the Pit, a Black Lotus and a Reverse Damage. I play for
     hours every night.
G++
     I've spent almost $100 on cards. A good chunk of my spare time goes into
     playing or constructing decks and keeping up my checklist.
G+
     Ok, ok, so I bought a few packs of cards. Big deal.
G
     I play Magic, if I can borrow a deck. It's an ok game.
G-
     I don't even play anymore. I just collect. My cards fill three
shoeboxes. G--
     I don't go to class/work anymore. Sometimes I don't sleep.
G---
     I have 3 Lords of the Pit, Armageddon, Wrath of God, and two Reverse
     Damages. I also have all five of the Greater Legends Dragons. I can
quote
     the exact wording and, in some cases, casting cost, of any card on
demand.
     I've memorized the PPG. I am a Magic munchkin.
G----
     Some friends and I are trying to get boxes of booster packs at cost so
we
     can sell them at a profit and buy more cards at cost that we can sell
for
     profit and buy more cards at....
G?
     What the hell _IS_ Magic?
G'
     I don't play Magic on purpose. It doesn't seem worth it.
G''
     I make fun of my Magic-playing friends. Magic's a scam.
G'''
     I shun those who play Magic. They are stupid sheep who can't see what an
     abovious scam it is.
G''''
     I go out of my way to warn others of the dangers of "Crack for Gamers"
     aka Magic:the Gathering.



Television

Many geeks have lives that revolve around television.

tv+++
     There's nothing I can experience "out there" that I can't see coming
over
     my satellite dish. I wish there were MORE channels.
tv++
     I just leave the tv on, to make sure I don't miss anything.
tv+
     I watch some tv every day.
tv
     I watch only the shows that are actually worth while.
tv-
     I watch tv for the news and 'special programming.'
tv--
     I turn my tv on during natural disasters.
!tv
     I do not own a television.



Books

In addition, many geeks have lives that revolve around books.

b+++
     I consume a few books a week as part of a staple diet.
b++
     I find the time to get through at least one new book a month. b+
     I enjoy reading, but don't get the time very often.
b
     I read the newspaper and the occasional book.
b-
     I read when there is no other way to get the information.
b--
     I did not actually READ the geek code, I just had someone tell me.



DOOM!

There is a game out for the PC-class (and soon others) computers called DOOM.
It's a 3D virtual reality simulation where you race around and blow things
away with large-caliber weaponry. It can be quite fun. Tell us about your
DOOM experiences.

D+++
     I crank out PWAD files daily, complete with new monsters, weaponry,
     sounds and maps. I'm a DOOM God. I can solve the original maps in
nightmare
     mode with my eyes closed.
D++
     I've played the shareware version and bought the real one and I'm
actually
     pretty good at the game. I occasionally download PWAD files and play
them
     too.
D+
     It's a fun, action game that is a nice diversion on a lazy afternoon. D
     I've played the game and I'm pretty indifferent.
D-
     I've played the game and really didn't think it was all that impressive.
D--
     It's an overly-violent game and pure crap
D---
     I've seen better on my Atari 2600
!D
     I've never played Doom!



Barney

Some people have heard of the Great Purple One. How do they feel about him?

B+++
     I worship the ground He walks on. I wish to erect a shrine for Him in my
     front yard. I feel a need to sell all my worldly belongings, shave my
head,
     and go to airports where I will hand out Barney dolls and spread His
     message of universal love for everyone regardless of race, creed, color,
     sexual preference, or species.
B++
     I don't miss an episode, except when I have to work or go in for a root
     canal. Barney loves me.
B+
     I like him. He has a nice, wholesome message. He's good for the country.
B
     Hey, the little tykes love him, they don't go around karate-chopping
each
     other any more; what's the big deal?
B-
     Barney is annoying
B--
     Don't talk to me about him. I'm getting sick of his smarmy message. He
     makes me ill.
B---
     He's sick. He's polluting our children's minds with this love and
tolerance
     crap. Boycott any station or store that carries him. His head would
really
     look good on my wall next to stuffed Smurfs.
!B
     Who's Barney?



Section V: Lifestyle

Education

All geeks have a varying amount of education.

e++++
     Still pretty stupid, over qualified to work any job, went and got my
Ph.D. e+++
     Had not learned enough to know better not to go back and try for a
master's
     degree.
e++
     Managed to finish my bachelors.
e+
     Started a degree, plan to finish it some day.
e
     K-12, been on a college campus.
e-
     Got my bachelors, escaped alive, and am making hoards of money writing
     unmaintainable (except by me) software.
e--
     The company I work for was dumb enough to fund my way through a masters
     degree, then started paying me even more money.
e---
     Achieved a Ph.D, have devoted my life to insignificant research, which
my
     employer pays dearly for.
!e
     Flunked high school, learned life the hard way
e*
     I learned everything there is to know about life from the "Hitchhiker's
     Trilogy".



Music

Musical interests vary widely, also.

u+++
     I consider myself over-refined and grok that heavy-duty elevator music.
u++
     I consider myself refined and enjoy classical and new-age selections u+
     I own a tape or CD collection (records also count, but you would be
     admitting how old you really are).
u
     I occasionally listen to the radio
u-
     Just play it loud
u--
     I play air-guitar better than anyone else.
u---
     LISTEN! I SAID TO PLAY IT LOUD!
u*
     I listen to music that no one else has ever heard of
u**
     I listen to so many types of music that I can't even keep them straight
-u
     I like _both_ kinds of music: Country AND Western



Housing

Tell us about your geeky home.

h++
     Living in a cave with 47 computers and an Internet feed, located near a
     Dominoes pizza. See !d.
h+
     Living alone, get out once a week to buy food, no more than once a month
     to do laundry. All surfaces covered.
h
     Friends come over to visit every once in a while to talk about Geek
things.
     There is a place for them to sit.
h-
     Living with one or more registered Geeks.
h--
     Living with one or more people who know nothing about being a Geek and
     refuse to watch 'Star Trek'.
h---
     Married, with the potential for children. (persons living with a fiance
     might as well label themselves h---, you're as good as there already.)
h----
     Married with children - Al Bundy can sympathize
h!
     I am stuck living with my parents!
h*
     I'm not sure where I live anymore. This lab/workplace seems like home to
     me.



Friends

Yes, it's true; geeks do have friends. At least, some of them do.

f++
     I have so many friends, I make other people jealous.
f+
     I have quite a few really close friends. We get along great. They are
all
     other geeks, though.
f
     Yeah, I have friends. Who told you?
f-
     I have a few friends. They barely seem to speak to me anymore. f--
     I've got about one friend left in the world, who probably wants to shoot
     me.
f---
     I used to have friends, but I didn't like it
f?
     I *think* I have friends.
f*
     Everyone is my friend.
!f
     I have no friends. Get lost.



Relationships

Many geeks are highly successful at having relationships, a good many more
are not. Give us the gritty details.

r+++
     Found someone, dated, and am now married.
r++
     I've dated my current SO for a long time
r+
     I bounce from one relationship to another, but I have quite a few. r
     I date periodically
r-
     I have difficulty maintaining a relationship
r--
     Most people aren't interested in dating me
r---
     I'm beginning to think I'm a leper or something, the way people avoid me
     like the plague
!r
     I've never had a relationship
r*
     signifying membership in the SBCA (Sour Bachelor(ette)'s Club of
America).
     The motto is 'Bitter, but not Desperate'. First founded at Caltech.



Nutrition

Geeks usually consume food. Some eat everything they can grab while some
others are quite conscious of their food. (Note: 'n' is used for nutrition as
'f' is used elsewhere.)

n+++
     I graze like a bunny - pass me a carrot!
n++
     I like the fibers in food
n+
     I like food - especially when it is healthy.
n-
     Food? I just grab something from the shelves with meat in it. n--
     I eat only the cheap things - even with artificial meat and vegetables.
n---
     I eat meat - seen Jurassic Park?
n----
     I _live_ on snacks and coke.
!n
     Eh what? never mind the menu, give me something to eat!



Sex

Geeks have traditionally had problems with sex (ie, they never have any).
Because geeks are so wrapped up in their sexuality (or lack of sexuality for
that matter), it is important that the geek be willing to quantify their
sexual experiences.

This code also is used to denote the gender of the geek. Females use 'x' in
this category, while males use 'y'. Those that do not wish to disclose their
gender can use 'z'. For example:

x+
     A female who has had sex
y+
     A male who has had sex.
z+
     A person (gender undisclosed) who has had sex.

For those person who do not wish to give out any details of their sex life,
the use of x? (where x is the gender code) will allow you to so.

x++++
     I have a few little rug rats to prove I've been there. Besides, with
kids
     around, who has time for sex?
x+++
     I'm married, so I can get it (theoretically) whenever I want. x++
     I was once referred to as 'easy'. I have no idea where that might have
come
     from though.
x+
     I've had real, live sex.
x-
     I prefer computer sex to real sex.
x--
     I was once referred to as a 'cyberslut', but I have no idea where that
     might have come from.
x*
     I'm a pervert.
x**
     I've been known to make perverts look like angels.
!x
     Sex? What's that? I've had no sexual experiences.
x?
     It's none of your business what my sex life is like (this is used to
denote
     your gender only).
!x+
     Sex? What's that? No experience, willing to learn!